Sun setting low-
Sky full of pastels of the night-
Laughing , we run-
Chasing the ducks;
Screaming like little girls again.
Sitting on the
cold
grainy
sand,
Reminiscing
hot
summer
days.
Walking - the wet sand between our toes-
We leave our footprints behind,
to be washed away by the
last
day
of
summer.
That is an excellent poem! The spacing really helps the reader understand it better. I like how you say: "Screaming like little girls again.", it sounds great. Maybe next time you could make it a little longer--countinue the thought. P.S. Nice Meez! [:
ReplyDeletelove this poem. Did the dopey blog thing keep you from laying the words out like you wanted? Dang! It's excellent.
ReplyDeleteMorgan... this is a great poem. I love it it reminds me of being on the beach alone with my sister chasing the birds when I was little. I had such a great time and with that poem it almost put me there again. It was great... Maybe next time(or maybe it was just the way it was posted) try to keep your words together and try to have more on one line. Also maybe next time you could try to rhyme a little. Maybe it will make it more fun to read. But I do have to say that was a GREAT poem... Keep up the good writing! :) ~Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI like how you let people guess at the end of your poem what you're talking about, how you have nice flow. This really has nothing wrong with it in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThat was a really good poem, Your MEEZ is really cool, I like how you had a pattern of like one word per line, nice.
ReplyDeleteThat is a really good poem. It puts a really clear image in my mind, and it is perfect, except it makes me sad, thinking of that depressing day, but that's not necessarily bad.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great poem! I really like how you seperated the last sentence to make it really last - that's how we all feel on the last day of summer. I honestly can't think of anything wrong with this poem.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome poem. I like the part at the end where you said let the sand wash away our footprints part. I can't think of anything wrong with this poem! Great job.
ReplyDeleteI really like your type of writing style. I am pretty sure I write the same way. I like how it has a sad twist on it but you make it sound like you're really happy in the poem. It has a very complex style to it but also keeping very simple. (Wow!that sounded dumb)
ReplyDelete