Author's Note - I started this about three months ago. At the time things were quite different, it's scary to see how much things can change in the course of three months, but it's just a part of life. I had actually forgotten about this poem, until coming across it in my onenote.. whoops. I didn't intend on finishing it but I ended up making some adaptions to it and now posting it, so enjoy.
The cool water licks my toes,
The water almost illuminated by the sunset,
I remember how we once sat here,
And then every memory of comes back.
I long for your touch, but I know better,
Wishing you were here again never ends well,
And as the tears flow down my face,
I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
I look around me, but see no one,
The bitter taste of loneliness strikes again,
My thoughts drift back to you.
Very nice. What is the taste of loneliness? Bitter, yes, but what? I loved the whole poem, except the last line. Drop it. Let me wonder what happened. Let your reader bring his experience to the poem. You are writing about common themes here, so trust your reader gets it. I like how you say it never ends well, this thinking of you. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteI really like the dropping of the last line and letting the reader bring their experience to the poem, thank you for pointing out how much better that sounds.
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